5 Things NOT to Say to Make a Kid Cry

If you're like me and haven't had much exposure to children, yet are now thrust in the midst of your mid-30s friends' kids, here are 5 things NOT to say to their kids. Trust me - toddlers don't have the same sense of humor as us and don't think sarcasm is funny. At all. In fact, you may scare them shitless if you say these things, which I quickly learned after my attempts to make them laugh, backfired and made them cry.



1. "Your mom has asked me to drive you to Kelowna."

Saying this as you jump into the drivers seat of a mini-van that has 3 children strapped into carseats in the back may elicit a 3-year old to burst into tears. Then, his older brother MAY say something to you like "you don't know much about kids, do you".

2. "When you were a baby, your older brother vaccuumed you up and you got stuck inside a vaccuum cleaner."

You'd think that I'd learn from the incident above, but no. A year later, I said this to the same kid. Of course there were no giggles, but rather a pout/frown and beginnings of a "waaah" type sound. I quickly retracted my statement and told him I was just joking, which was followed by "that's not funneeeee!!"

3. "A bear's going to smell the honey and PB on your face and come and lick it off."

Again, kids don't understand sarcasm, and this elicited a facial expression which seemed like a combination of fear of big bears and confusion that perhaps I was referring to Winnie the Pooh... followed by "Bear coming?"

4. "I don't care what your parents let you do, you have to go to bed now."
Trying to be their parent and lay down your own rules when you're just baby-sitting for the night does not work. I tried to play "bad cop" and my husband ended up having to play "good cop" while this toddler cried herself to sleep. I was never asked to babysit her again.

OK, so I only have 4 again this time. Probably a good thing, and will try to NOT make more small children cry.